This past Sunday my husband and I had to go to a wedding, and it so happened that at the last minute we had to take our four-year-old with us. It turned out that taking our son to the event was the best decision we could have made.
It was absolutely amazing to share the tradition of the wedding ceremony with him. He was interested in every aspect of it and was constantly asking questions (very quietly as to not disturb the ceremony). He was so excited to see his relatives in this different and beautiful place, all dressed up. He also got to take pictures of everyone, which I think, was a special treat for him.
The best part for me, however, was when I got to dance, for the first time in public, with my son. I have to confess (and I hope my husband forgives me for this) that I enjoyed dancing with my son a little more then dancing with my husband. As we were dancing, I noticed my 11-year-old brother sitting as far away from our mom as possible. This image somewhat scared me, especially since earlier that day my mother told me that my brother hinted that it was time for him to start going to the movies alone with his friends.
I know I still have plenty of time until my son turns 11, but the thought of when would my son want to stop hanging out with me kept me awake all night. I decided to do a little research on the matter. The results of my research were less alarming then I initially thought they would be. According to Child Trends Family Strengths: Often Overlooked, But Real, August 2002: “The majority of adolescents think highly of their parents (85 percent for mothers and 81 percent for fathers) … Most enjoy spending time with their parents (81 percent for mothers and 77 percent for fathers)… Moreover, 79 percent of adolescents report that their mother usually or always helps with what is important to them, and 67 percent report that their fathers help them.” The report goes onto give examples of how providing children with age appropriate freedoms benefits and strengthens the parents/child relationship. This report, together with another article I found, made me realize that my brother’s desire for privacy and a little more freedom doesn’t mean that his relationship with my parents will be over any time soon.
So in short, I can go back to sleep knowing that if I support, praise and don’t hover over my kids this first dance can and will turn into a life long friendship.
For more info, check out the articles:
http://www.childtrends.org/Files/FamilyStrengths.pdf
http://family.samhsa.gov/get/time.aspx
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